Dating: Oh, We Just Hanging Out

When a guy asks you out, does that mean your going on a date?  Many of you would probably say yes, right?  That’s what I thought.  But is there more to it then just being asked?  Absolutely!  The key is knowing what the “more” is when it comes to being asked out on a date.  And if you don’t know, well then you are just hanging out.  Here is what I mean:

I met this gentleman at a bar while hanging out with some friends.  We were part of a large group taking in some football, food, and fun conversations.  He seemed like a decent guy, sociable and physically active.  A transplant to the DMV area like most, he had come to the bar to meet new people and enjoy the game.  We had discussed everything from where he was from to his perspective on relationships.  (Side Note:  Ladies, always make it a point to weave this conversation in casually.  Casually being the key!)  Apparently he must’ve enjoyed my conversation and company because a few days later I received an email from asking me to dinner and he left a telephone number where he could be reached.  I texted him back on the number he provided to let him know that I was interested and to let me know when.

After we agreed to meet settling on a place, date, and time was utterly frustrating, and that’s when I knew.  He asked me to pick a day and time after letting me know what days he wasn’t available.  Excuse me?  Isn’t that my job to give you my availability and you figure out the rest?  I employed all of my ninja warrior tactics to put the planning back on him.  Even began to use sports references in an attempt to speak his language.  The ball is in your court buddy!  Then he passed it back…  That whole back and forth confirmed that this was not a date.

So what constitutes a date?  There are four very important things that need to occur to officially call it a date.  If you don’t have all four components, then y’all just hanging out.  Check it out:

 The Request

I know that we are in the age of technology and we are used to using text messaging and email as a form of everyday communication.  However, when a man is interested in a woman, it should be expressed in a more personal way and vice versa if the lady is to make the request.  Therefore, the invitation should happened either face to face or via a telephone call.  Why is this important?  Because it is a sign of respect and it is what a gentleman would do.  And we could all agree that we want to date a gentleman who has respect for us.

The Details

The details of the date should be left to the asking party.  No exceptions.  They can be courteous and ask you about your availability and your preferences for events, restaurants, outings, but ultimately the final details should come from the requestor.

Transportation

I know this particular part of the date can be debated, but the requestor should be the one to provide or at least offer transportation to and from the date.  Safety first!  I definitely understand why someone would decline and prefer to meet the person at the venue, but the offer should still occur.

Pay the Bill  

There’s no “let’s go dutch”.  This is what is considered the cost of courtship.  Whether it goes really well or really bad, you asked, so you pay.  If you want to wash your hands of the situation afterwards, then do so.  Now of course I can hear the men with their rebuttals for extreme situations.  Please treat such situations with appropriate discretion.

In my scenario, not only were the details component missing, but part of the request as well.  I was asked out via email.  But I must say he was a gentleman the entire time, but I didn’t feel special or wanted and that’s what women want when we are asked out on a date.  If you don’t think there is a possibility that the person you ask on a date is special then why ask in the first place?  My thing is, if you are going to ask someone on a date, do it right.  And if they don’t and you want to hang out, well that’s exactly what you will be doing.

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